Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
