You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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