I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
