My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
