I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We're too hungover to prance.
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