I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize