Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just cropdusted the office
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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