everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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