where am i from again
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
