Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize