What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
