I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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