So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
