The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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