I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
