Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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