I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Maybe he injected his testicle?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
