Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
