My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
