It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
