am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She said her name was "party"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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