Her vagina should come with caution tape.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
