I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
home. puking in laundry basket.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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