Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You ate ashes out of my bong
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
