I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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