A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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