i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
