pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
