had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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