too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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