trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
