yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
