I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
