i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
