It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
