what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
