So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
