Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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