I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
