I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
