Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
