I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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