I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
