They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
