Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if only i could text you this smell
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
