It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
