Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
