He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
