i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
