i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
