It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
