i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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