I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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