I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize