And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
