why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
