"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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