The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
