I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
