I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if only i could text you this smell
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
