They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
