Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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