Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
