But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
